My First Love

Recently, God has impressed on my heart my relationship with Him. As life gets busy, my time is limited, and my body is exhausted, I start feeling the distance in my relationship with God growing. At times I notice in time to catch myself and update my priorities, making sure I spend the time I need in God’s Word and talking with Him. Other times I don’t notice, and I find myself feeling defeated and lonely, trying to retrace my steps and backtrack to where I was before. As I’ve mentioned this to others, most people are very understanding and empathetic, as it seems to be a struggle for everyone. On the other hand, some people I’ve mentioned it to don’t seem to understand what I mean by relationship with God and have never experienced that close love relationship, and that scares me!

I tend to have three pillars in my life that I do my best to make priorities: Bible reading, prayer, and church. I guess from an outside perspective, this could make my faith seem works based, meaning since I am a Christian I have to do these three things. From my perspective though, I look at my relationship with Christ as His betrothed, and usually what I hear from couples who are engaged is that time together is extremely important. If someone asked me to marry him and then spent no time with me or talking to me, I personally would be extremely offended and would probably break off that engagement, considering it would be an indicator of a weak relationship.

Not to embarrass them, but I remember sharing a room with my cousin, Evangel, who was at the time engaged to Ryan, her now husband. There were days that they seemed to spend every waking moment together. They would FINALLY say goodnight, and then Evangel would run to our room and ask to borrow my phone to text him one more thing (which I agreed to as long as she would delete the texts for me so I didn’t have to feel like a third wheel mediator of embarrassingly mushy conversations). I remember thinking… “WHY???? You just literally spent 12 hours together. Did you not fit in enough ‘I love you’s’ to hold you till tomorrow morning???”

I share this, because it better explains how we should be relating to our Bible reading, prayer, and church. As the bride of Christ, we are experiencing the ultimate long distance relationship imaginable! Jesus said in John 14:2-3, “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” With this kind of long distance relationship, we have to cling to our connection with Him, knowing that our lack of interest, or indifference, must be extremely hurtful to Jesus. There are times when I feel myself drifting, and I immediately start telling Him I love Him and that I’ll come back, knowing that if I were engaged and felt my fiancé drifting away from me, that is what I would want to hear.

One of my favorite songs at the moment to play on my ukulele and sing to the Lord is Simplicity by Rend Collective. Listen to it with the thought that you are singing it as a love song to the Lord.

I come in simplicity,
longing for purity,
to worship You in spirit and truth,
Lord, strip it all away,
till only You remain.
I’m coming back to my first love,

Going back to my cousin and her fiancé trying to get in as much time together as possible, especially since she had limited time with him as they lived in different countries at the time, I then turn around and question those people who are saved, yet don’t read the Bible, don’t pray, and don’t long to be connected with the family of God. It isn’t works based at all to prioritize these things; it’s love based. Christ is a faithful and patient bridegroom, but we have to make sure we are not an unfaithful and indifferent bride. Time and communication are important, and the last thing I want to do is hurt Christ after He gave up His life for me because He loved me.

He is my first love. 1 John 4:19, “We love each other because he loved us first.”


  1. Well said. It is amazing how His grace keeps us and draw us back to Him if we get too busy and like an old dearly loved friend, there is no reproach, just a consciousness of His love and patience.


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