Thursday, August 10, 2017


One of my favorite poems from The Valley of Vision
Paradoxes have always been brain candy for me. I remember when I discovered the book Valley of Vision in college. It is a revised collection full of puritan poems, prayers, and devotions, and they seemed to enjoy paradoxes as much as I do by the way they write their poems. 

This past week I was reintroduced to a paradox that I discovered back in high school, and I have been so encouraged as I keep dwelling on it and praying about it. We all need to be broken in order to be made whole.

When reading the Scripture, God’s view of the proud and self-righteous person is strong. James 4:6 says that “God opposes the proud.” If you get a chance, take some time and do a word search through the Psalms of the words “break” or “broken.” God is pretty explicit about how He will break down the wicked, yet then in Psalm 34:18 it says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Here enters the paradox. Is it possible that God can be the one to break us and yet also be the one to heal our broken hearts? Well, my personality also has a paradox. I’m very stubborn, yet I’m also laid-back. Personalities always have some type of paradox, and God’s is an amazing picture for us to grow and become useful instruments in His hands.

I remember in high school, I thought it was cool to compare myself to an egg. An egg has to be broken to be used as anything worth value. An unbroken egg will eventually go bad, just like an unbroken person will eventually become…well, a rotten egg.

The point to brag on is not the broken shell though. Oftentimes people get stuck being proud about their brokenness. We throw that away and start praising God for how He can use us after we have been broken and submit ourselves to Him.

This became an important paradox to me in high school because that was when God began to break me down. Recently as I talk to those around me, many people seem to be in the broken state of mind, but they are not letting God heal them and use their brokenness. I struggle talking with people who are completely broken and yet still refuse to give their lives over to God. It is a painful place to be, and I know there is not much I can do for them.

He [God] heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

You [God] will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:16-17

Bitterness against God doesn’t make sense. Our choice is either to be a rotten egg or a useful one. God wants to heal us and use our stories and experiences to further His kingdom. We just have to wrap our minds around the paradox that "the broken heart is the healed heart" (Valley of Vision). His process is not only good; it is perfect.

Friday, August 4, 2017


Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
James 4:8

I have found myself meditating on this verse for over a year now, and I’m still not done with it. There is so much to think and pray about concerning the first half, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” I haven’t focused as much on the second half though, other than recognizing part of drawing near to God is cleaning up life and living under His standards. This past week though, the word double-minded has been turning over and over in my head.

Double-minded is a harder concept for me to think about because others can’t see it necessarily. Our minds are ridiculously complex, and the amount of thoughts that we think about in one day is impossible to count. I am currently taking a class for a job preparation right now, and I started monitoring my brain during the very long lectures. It is amazing how many things come to mind while I’m listening! I would like to say that all my thoughts match up with the direction I want to go in life, my relationship with the Lord, and holy living, but in reality, I feel like my mind tends to go wherever I know I won’t go.

Peter talks about the way we need to be living holier lives in I Peter 1, and he says in verse 13, “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

How does one prepare your mind for action? Or how do we train our thoughts to think FULLY on the grace of God? A long-lasting relationship with God can’t usually start with only our actions simply because actions without love is worthless (I Cor. 13:1-3). Yes, our actions need to change (seen in the purifying our hands part of the verse), but there is also the deeper struggle of purifying the things others don’t see, otherwise we are living double-minded lives, or saying one thing with our actions but letting our mind be somewhere else.

Changing one’s actions seems relatively easy compared to controlling our mind and thoughts! Like I said, the mind is beyond complex, and the number of thoughts that run through it every moment seem impossible to control. It goes back to the heart of a relationship with the Lord. Doing this on our own is so impossible. But, when we draw near to God, and we want a relationship, and we openly talk to Him about our thoughts and how difficult it is, He will help.

When I am in class, and my brain is active and running loops around me, the only way I’ve been able to capture them and relax them a little is to talk to God during class about the word double-minded and how I desperately don’t want to live that way. Basically, it is as simple as the verse puts it. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” Ask God to save you, and He will save you. Talk to God about the struggle and how you need strength, and He will protect you and give you strength.

On a side note, I feel for my teacher. Teaching kids and holding their attention is hard, but having a group of adults and holding their attention and brains seems even harder to me!