In Retrospect

Hind site vision provides clarity in what we can never fully see at the moment we face a crossroad decision. The end of the year is a natural time to look back. This year has held a lot of different kinds of decisions for me compared to past years. I was speaking with a close friend today over these decisions, and I am starting to understand how life changes with age.

When you are young, your parents make your decisions for you. Then parents start to guide you in small decisions, and over time those decisions grow bigger. As a young adult, you begin to make all your immediate decisions for yourself, and at times it feels as if you are in control of your decisions, which brings me back to what I have been learning this year.

There is a short period of time, varying in length depending on the person, where we are (theoretically) in control of decisions. But as an adult, decisions are no longer in our control, but rather they control us.

The decision to work means time decisions will be committed for years into the future: work time, family time, vacation time. The decision to commit to marriage means life decisions will forever be dependent on another person. The decision to have children means daily decisions and plans will always have to be made around their safety and growth.

Thinking with this type of commitment has been an adjustment for me in 2017, because I really enjoyed the freedom of controlling my decisions as a young adult. I think I held onto that stage as long as I could: traveling with little thought of the future, pouring myself into projects that I fell in love with, chasing dreams that I knew would help me grow into a better person.

This past year, God has been guiding me to give a lot of that up. I’m so thankful for so many years of freedom, and I’m beyond thankful for how it has strengthened my life’s resume, portfolio, or list of experiences. I have spent the past 10 or so years building up my life resume, and I guess it is about time to use it profitably, wisely, and faithfully by settling down and putting it to work.

The commitment is scary on this side of the decisions. Knowing that my decisions over the next year may control other decisions for years to come just encourages me to pray a lot more. Clarity may only come for us in retrospect, but thankfully God is always in control over decisions/plans: past, present, and future.

Looking back, I have a lot to be thankful for, which becomes more obvious as I’m still harvesting fruit from the past few years. Seeing girls who I have discipled discipling others, seeing students with growing passions for learning and humanity, and being a part of ministries making a continuing difference to better this world are just scratching the surface of the things that make me so happy to know that God blessed those decisions.

Looking back over 2017, all I feel is thankfulness for the fruit that is going to come from this year. Looking forward to 2018, I am desperately praying for guidance in each one of my decisions, so that my future will bring peace, fruit, and freedom to serve God more.


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